Office MonkeyClock Out

Live from cubicle 4B$9TO5

OFFICE MONKEY

Escape the 9 to 5.

One monkey. One cubicle. One dream.

Clock OutView Chart
Current status
Employed
Motivated
Checking charts
cubicle_cam_04.liveRec
Office Monkey, an exhausted chimp in a white shirt and loose tie, sitting in a cubicle with a spreadsheet on one monitor and a pumping green crypto chart on the other$9TO5 ▲ PumpingProductivity: 3%

> calendar.exe / today

Another day in the cage

  1. Mon · CalendarBusy

    Pretend to be excited about work.

    Mood: simulated

  2. Mon · CalendarBusy

    Check portfolio for the 46th time.

    Tab: hidden behind Excel

  3. Mon · CalendarBusy

    Attend another meeting that could have been an email.

    Attendees: 14 · Decisions: 0

  4. Mon · CalendarRepeat

    Survive. Repeat tomorrow.

    Recurring: forever

> MKY <GO>

The Monkey Economy

MKY Equity · Cubicle TerminalLive
Hours wasted in meetingsMTG
0
▲ 12.4%
Emails marked “urgent”URG
0
▲ 88.0%
Times portfolio checked todayCHK
0
▲ 473%
Resignation letters draftedRSG
0
▲ OVER 9000
Productivity0%
Hopium0%
$9TO5 / Hopium index · 1D

> roadmap_final_v3.pptx

The Escape Plan

  1. 1

    Clock in

    Enter cubicle.

  2. 2

    Pretend to work

    Keep Excel open at all times.

  3. 3

    Watch $9TO5

    Alt-tab professionally.

  4. 4

    Clock out

    Freedom.

> @9to5monkey

Office Monkey Feed

  • Office Monkey smirking with a coffee mug
    Office Monkey@9to5monkey · 9:14 AM

    Boss thinks I’m working.

    Replies201Reposts913Likes4.2K
  • Office Monkey ecstatic with fists raised
    Office Monkey@9to5monkey · 10:37 AM

    Portfolio +2%. Resignation letter ready.

    Replies488Reposts2.1KLikes9.0K
  • Office Monkey with a blank thousand-yard stare
    Office Monkey@9to5monkey · 2:12 PM

    Another meeting that could’ve been a memecoin.

    Replies702Reposts3.4KLikes12K
  • Office Monkey face-down on his keyboard
    Office Monkey@9to5monkey · 8:59 AM

    Monday detected. Sell job.

    Replies330Reposts1.5KLikes6.6K
  • Office Monkey with a blank thousand-yard stare
    Office Monkey@9to5monkey · 5:00 PM

    Worked 8 hours. Still employed.

    Replies97Reposts640Likes3.1K
  • Office Monkey smirking with a coffee mug
    Office Monkey@9to5monkey · 11:59 PM

    Wen retirement?

    Replies1.2KReposts5.9KLikes21K

> payroll.dll

$9TO5

The official currency of pretending to work

Contract addressCONTRACT_ADDRESS_COMING_SOON

The cubicle is full.

Thousands of monkeys. Same Monday.

Holders
SOON
Updated at launch
Monkeys clocked in
—
Pretending to work right now
Hours until Friday
—
Until 17:00 Friday, your time

QUIT YOUR JOB?

Probably don't. But you can still join the monkeys.

Clock Out